#121. Grace-Filled Discipline, Wise Parenting, and What Reproof Really Means | Proverbs 25–29

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This is The Dwelling Place from Entrusted Ministries, and today we're

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looking at Proverbs 25 through 29

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This episode will be just a little

bit longer Because some of these

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verses will elicit controversy,

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And I wanna make sure that I take the time

to bring the clarity that they deserve

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You'll notice in your Bible in chapter

25 verse one it says, " These also

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are proverbs of Solomon, which the men

of Hezekiah, king of Judah, copied."

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About 250 years after the life of Solomon,

Hezekiah was devoted to revival in Israel.

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It's at that point that he and his

men went through Solomon's 3,000

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proverbs and compiled these chapters.

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If you're wondering, okay, wait,

where are we in the Bible timeline,

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and what year is this in history?

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I'll give you some easy rough

numbers that have really helped me.

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Abraham was alive around 2000 BC.

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years later came David in 1000 BC.

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And years later, Jesus arrived

on the scene, 100% man, 100% God.

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Because David was Solomon's father

living around the time of: 1000

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we're getting just a little bit

closer to when Jesus walked the earth,

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All of this wisdom is

so applicable for life,

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But I've selected about 10

proverbs from each chapter

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that can guide us in our family

lives Let's begin with chapter

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twenty-five, and I'll weave in my

commentary as I think it's helpful.

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Twenty-five, six through seven.

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" Do not put yourself forward in the

king's presence or stand in the place

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of the great, for it is better to be

told, ' Come up here,' than to be put

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lower in the presence of a noble."

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Almost everything we'll read will be

contrary to our culture right now.

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But in a world of social media

influencers and self-promotion, I really

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appreciate these verses for training

our kids that it should be the Lord that

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elevates us It's not wrong to network.

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But we should mostly be focused on

our character and not on our audience

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Proverbs 25:9, " Argue your case

with your neighbor himself, and

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do not reveal another's secret"

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This is very similar to Matthew 18.

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When we have an issue with

someone, we should settle it

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with them if at all possible.

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Proverbs 25:11 through 12: A

word fitly spoken is like apples

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of gold in a setting of silver.

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Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold

is a wise reprover to a listening ear.

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You can say the best, wisest

thing, but if it's at the

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wrong time, it's often painful.

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This is the basic

husband-wife joke, right?

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The woman just wants a listening

ear, and the husband has a

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solution on the tip of his tongue

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Proverbs 25:20.

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Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart

is like one who takes off a garment

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on a cold day and like vinegar on soda

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This is the same principle.

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If someone is grieving and lamenting It's

not godly to rush them past it, but rather

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to help them pursue the Lord in their pain

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Proverbs 25:21-22.

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" If your enemy is hungry, give

him bread to eat, and if he is

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thirsty, give him water to drink.

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For you will heap burning coals on his

head, and the Lord will reward you."

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There's much debate about the

intent of these verses, but since

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the Bible teaches vengeance is the

Lord's, we can be confident that

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the heart of this is to be kind so

the other person has an opportunity

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to reflect on their own sinfulness

and hopefully will choose to repent

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We can choose kindness with a pure

heart, knowing that the Lord sees while

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wanting the benefit of the other person.

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And one I love for teaching my boys

that often seems so much like the

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Apostle Peter is Proverbs 25:28, "A

man without self-control is like a city

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broken into and left without walls."

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In the biblical era, your entire

security was the walls of the city.

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In modern times, we might say a

lack of self-control is like giving

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someone Access to your bank account

or giving them a key to your home.

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When we lack self-control, we leave

ourselves vulnerable to attack.

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Proverbs 26:4 and 5 caution us,

" Answer not a fool according to his

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folly, lest you be like him yourself.

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Answer a fool according to his folly,

lest he be wise in his own eyes."

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These are more scripture memory verses for

the Entrusted With a Child's Heart study.

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They remind us to be

discerning in parenting.

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Sometimes God is calling us to give

a wise response to our kids, and

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sometimes we know that if we keep

communicating, they're going to

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manipulate us, and it's not going to

go well How can we do this parenting

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thing without the Holy Spirit, right?

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If you're curious about how you can stop

this merry-go-round without the merry, as

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Betsy calls it, chapter 12 of Entrusted

is phenomenal at guiding you practically

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Proverbs 26:11 through 12 tell

us, " Like a dog that returns to its

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vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.

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Do you see a man who is

wise in his own eyes?

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There is more hope for

a fool than for him."

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Wow.

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Those are powerful rebukes Proverbs

: 26:17

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quarrel not his own is like one who

takes a passing dog by the ears.

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Isn't it helpful to have some of these

pictures to parent our kids with?

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I had a sweet friend in college

that couldn't stop saying, "Just

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kidding," and she was very convicted

by Proverbs: 26:18

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"Like a madman who throws

firebrands, arrows, and death is

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the man who deceives his neighbor

and says, ' I am only joking.'"

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Thankfully, she had the sweetest

heart, and I really don't think

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that that's who Solomon was

talking about when he wrote this.

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Proverbs 26:20, " For lack of wood

the fire goes out, and when there

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is no whisperer, quarreling ceases."

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And similarly, Proverbs 26:22, "The words

of a whisperer are like delicious morsels.

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They go down into the

inner parts of the body."

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This one is particularly convicting

for women and for raising girls.

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How often do we contribute to conflict by

just sharing a little bit of what we know?

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We need to look at our

hearts and our motivations.

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What are we feeding if we're

sharing secrets or gossiping?

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In chapter 27 verse one, " Do not

boast about tomorrow, for you do

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not know what a day may bring."

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We can make plans, but we need

to be surrendered to the Lord

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Yep, I feel that one as a mom

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I love Proverbs 27:2.

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" Let another praise you, and not your own

mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips."

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I heard a quote from former

NFL player Walter Payton.

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It's one I tell my boys often.

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" If you're good, you tell others.

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If you're great, they tell you."

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Proverbs 27:11 through 12.

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" Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad

That I may answer him who reproaches me.

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The prudent sees danger and hides himself,

but the simple go on and suffer for it

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When our kids are wise, it's one of the

greatest blessings a parent could ask for.

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Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens

iron, and one man sharpens another."

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Even though this is one of the most

famous proverbs, it doesn't mean that we

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love that sharpening process, does it?

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But if we're humble, we can stop and

thank God for how we're refined by

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others, even when it's uncomfortable

Proverbs: 27:15

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continual dripping on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome wife are alike.

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To restrain her is to restrain the wind

or to grasp oil in one's right hand."

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Can you imagine pouring out

olive oil trying to grab it?

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It's impossible, and that's how difficult

it is to bring peace in a home when a

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wife is set on tension and dissension.

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Proverbs 27:21, " The crucible is for

silver, and the furnace is for gold,

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and a man is tested by his praise.

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What is the attitude of our

hearts when we receive praise?

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Do we point to the Lord in

humility and gratitude, or

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do we start to get puffed up?

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And this one is perfect for motherhood.

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Proverbs 27:23, " Know well the

condition of your flocks, and

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give attention to your herds."

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We've gotta know what's going on

under our own roof, and we shouldn't

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be taken aback when things go awry

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And one of those areas that's really

on my radar right now is for us to

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know the condition of our flocks in

regard to digital safety in our homes.

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I will be the first to admit that this

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is entirely overwhelming, and that's

why I was really thankful to have

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Chris McKenna on the Again podcast

promoting his book that holds parents

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by the hand and guides them in this.

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We have a giveaway going on right now, and

I'll link those details in the show notes

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Proverbs 28, verse one.

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The wicked flee when no one pursues,

but the righteous are bold as a lion

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Our innocence makes us courageous,

but sin makes us paranoid

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Proverbs 28:5, " Evil men do not

understand justice, but those who seek

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the Lord understand it completely."

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Wow.

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I'm so struck by how this

speaks to our society right now

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Culture demands that people who sin

and harm others are free and forgiven,

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And they want to punish and silence

people who only want good for others

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They call good evil and evil good

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Proverbs 28, verses 13 and 14.

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" Whoever conceals his transgressions

will not prosper, but he who confesses

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and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

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Blessed is the one who fears the

Lord always, but whoever hardens

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his heart will fall into calamity."

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There's that blessing once again for

fearing the Lord and walking in repentance

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Proverbs 29:1.

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He who is often reproved yet stiffens

his neck will suddenly be broken beyond

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healing proverbs 29:6, " An evil man

is ensnared in his transgression, but

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a righteous man sings and rejoices."

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Proverbs

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A fool gives full vent to his spirit,

but a wise man quietly holds it back."

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And next are some truly

pivotal proverbs for parenting.

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29:15 tells us, "The rod and reproof

give wisdom, but a child left to

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himself brings shame to his mother."

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29:17, "Discipline your son,

and he will give you rest.

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He will give delight to your heart."

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And 29:19, " By mere words a servant

is not disciplined, for though he

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understands, he will not respond."

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There is much controversy over the rod.

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But over and over in Proverbs, we've

heard the call to discipline our children

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As I explained before, there is a

wide spectrum of options that you have

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to discipline but scripture commands

that you must discipline and that you

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do it in love for your child's good.

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You don't dangle a donut before a child

when they're about to run into the street.

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A wise parent sets boundaries and

also sets a deterrent so their

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kids don't want to cross the line.

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When done lovingly, the rod and

reproof actually strengthen your

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relationship with your child because

they show how much you love them.

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I've experienced this over and over with

my kids, that these deep water reproving

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talks actually make us closer, and that

when I set a line and tell them, "You

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went too far," often they come back to me

thankful for that restraint upon their sin

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I know reproof is kind of an old

school word that we don't use a lot

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today, but Webster defines it this way.

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In the Bible, reproof is the act of

exposing a fault or correcting behavior

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with the loving goal of guiding

someone back to a righteous path.

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It is not meant to be harsh condemnation,

but rather a constructive discipline

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that brings awareness of sin and

promotes spiritual growth 2 Timothy

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3:16 is a well-known verse for a reason.

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All scripture is breathed out by

God And profitable for teaching,

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for reproof, for correction, and

for training in righteousness

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And scripture is the tool that

I go back to over and over

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As I'm pointing my kids to what God is

calling us to, and that's why it's my

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goal for us to be rooted in the Word

of God so that when we come against

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these issues with our kids we can

guide them with the Word of God We

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know the Holy Spirit is the one that

has to do the work in their hearts,

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but God has given us

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the responsibility of holding

up a mirror of conviction

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Recently, I was reproving one of my

sons and I was saying to him, "You

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need to take a look in the mirror."

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It was a discipline moment, but we both

looked at each other and said, " I'm

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staring at the man in the mirror."

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We had to take a moment out of

the discipline To laugh together.

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Parenting kids in these older phases

can involve a lot of time and effort

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But it's so worth it

to get to their hearts

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Because there's so much controversy

over the rod, I wanna talk to

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us a little bit about that too

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And if you feel convicted to

employ this method of discipline

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we need to go about it carefully

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My Moody commentary says Parents

are neither wise nor loving if they

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let their child get his own way

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This is why they need correction,

whether verbal or physical.

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Of course, in the hands of loving

parents who wish to inculcate

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wisdom, neither of these are

weapons of abuse, but tools of love

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in our study Entrusted With

a Child's Heart, Betsy spends

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several chapters talking about

what godly discipline looks like.

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Of course, when our hearts are in check

And we're walking in patience and love

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With the goal of helping establish

authority in the hearts of our

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children and not walking in anger or

impatience This can be truly effective

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Of course, we wanna be so careful

when there is a history of trauma

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or when there are special needs

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and those are definitely areas

where we need to proceed cautiously

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But Betsy says that biblical discipline

is so loving because it's effective.

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And here's a little analogy You might

judge me, and I'm totally embarrassed

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to say this, but I had some mold

and mildew growing in my shower.

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Maybe like me, you've let your

master bathroom go by the wayside

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a little bit because not as many

people see it, and I just couldn't

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keep up with everything in my home.

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I really like to do things as naturally

as possible, and I had sprayed several

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natural cleaners many times, and they

were not taking care of the issue.

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It was stressing me out and frustrating

me until one day I decided, you know what?

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I'm just gonna buy that toxic mold cleaner

because we need this taken care of.

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I sprayed it on, and before my very

eyes, the mold and mildew were gone.

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And it made me think about

some of these parenting tactics

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that are encouraged right now.

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They're all about distracting children

or pleading with them to do something

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differently, or just listening to what

the child wants to do And you know what?

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At the end of the day, most

of it just doesn't work

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Because our kids have sinful natures,

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But when a parent disciplines in love,

it's often like that mold cleaner, not

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toxic and not harmful, but so effective

that it handles the situation quickly so

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that the parent and child can return to

walking in a loving, joyful relationship.

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The child feels secure knowing

exactly where these boundary lines are

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Remember, two of David's sons led a

rebellion against him, and scripture

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rebukes David saying that he never

told those sons or challenged

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them, " we don't want to be like that

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We wanna be faithfully examining our own

hearts, but also the hearts of our kids

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So we don't let patterns of sin become

deeply rooted and get more difficult

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to deal with as they get older.

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Now I know how overwhelming this is,

and that's why we cannot do it alone.

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let's turn to prayer because

God has promised to be our help

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Heavenly Father We thank you

for the goodness of your plan.

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as we walk through Proverbs, sometimes

it feels that there are so many things

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we need to do and obey and follow.

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But I pray you would keep at the forefront

of our minds what you have already done

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And help us to walk in

your gospel of grace.

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We thank you that you aren't requiring

a perfect performance from us in

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parenting, but that you're so much

more focused on our reliance upon you

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We want to be transformed by you

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But we ask that you'd help us

embrace your grace when we fall short

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And we so often do.

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Guide us in wisdom.

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May Your Word be so deeply rooted

in our hearts that as we're training

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and reproving our kids, that we could

quickly point to verses, humbly

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guiding them and sharing how Your Word

is changing and convicting us as well

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Thank you for the children

that you've entrusted us with.

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We know they're yours, and that's

why we can be so confident That

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you who began a good work in us

will be faithful to complete it

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we pray we would be instruments of

your grace in our family's lives We

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rejoice in the sanctifying, sacrificial

work of motherhood that makes us so

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much more like your Son, Jesus Christ.

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It's in His name that we pray.

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Amen.